California Mis-Adventure: The Toddler in Terror

Sunday the 14th was our final day in Disneyland, before we were to fly home that evening, but it was not exactly the capstone to our family vacation that we had hoped for. We arrived about 15 minutes before the park opened to find a lines that stretched all the way back to the shuttle bus drop off area. Apparently everyone else had the same bright idea we did to arrive early and beat the rush. When we finally made it inside the park we were amazed to find that Big Thunder Mountain, which we had yet to ride, had only a 5 minute wait. As we sauntered through the switchbacks of the near empty line, our 4 year old became more apprehensive as we approached the ride loading area. We told him it would be a fun train ride, but he was skeptical when he saw one of the trains roar past him on the tracks. We reassured him, cajoled him, and finally bribed him with the promise of ice cream and churros in order to get him into one of the cars, only to listen to his screaming and crying throughout the ride. On our last trip to Disneyland, 5 years ago, our middle child was only 4 years old, and he happily went on every ride, even the Tower of Terror. On this trip, our youngest was exactly the opposite. His favorite part of the rides was fastening his seat belt, and he was somewhat perturbed to find the teacups lacked any safety restraints.

Our two older boys wanted to go on Splash Mountain one more time, so I offered to sit with our youngest, while they went on the ride with their mom. My wife, however, was sure our 4 year old would like Splash Mountain once he got on it, so she dragged him with us through the line, as he complained and worried the entire time. He was almost crying by the time we reached the front, but she was adamant that he should go on the ride. We were so sure that if we just made him go, he would overcome his fear and be fine, like parents who take off their kids' training wheels, assure them they won't let go of the bicycle seat, and then give them a good push so they can start riding on their own and realize they had nothing to be scared of, or else they list over like a torpedoed freighter and crash to the pavement never to trust their parents again. When my wife tried to get him into the seat, he screamed and went limp. Worried that Disney Child Protective Services might take him from us and put him in a foster home to be raised by Donald and Daisy Duck, I took him out of line and waited for the rest of my family to finish the ride. I'm not sure if this is related, but every time he went to the bathroom the rest of the day, he had to poop. I think we may have literally scared the crap out of him by trying to make him go on the ride.

After Splash Mountain, we took our 4 year old on Peter Pan, sure he would like that, but it was also a little too intense for him. He did enjoy a caterpillar ride where you slowly roll through giant plastic models of fruit, cupcakes and candy. I went on that with him a couple of times while my wife went on the big roller coaster with our older boys. Sometimes being a kept dad means you take one for the team. Just before we left the park, he found his ideal ride in Mickey's Toon Town, molded plastic cartoonish cars that didn't do anything. They didn't move, didn't fly, didn't spin, didn't splash, just sat there in beautiful boring safeness. He probably would have stayed on them all evening if we didn't have to catch our return flight.

Speaking of our return flight, our 4 year old did get to go on one more ride--the moving walkway at the San Francisco airport as I dragged him behind me with one hand, pulled a suitcase in the other hand, carried three bags slung over my shoulder, racing from one end of the terminal to the other while the rest of my family straggled behind me in order to catch our connecting flight, because our plane out of Los Angeles was delayed for an hour. It was a thrill ride of a conclusion to our California adventure.